Actual Label Instructions – received in email

Some label instructions are worth of a good laugh.  I received these by email and for a while couldn’t stop laughing.

On McCain’s Tiramisu dessert (printed on bottom) — ‘Do not turn upside down.’
(Too late!)
_______________

On Planter’s peanuts — ‘Warning: contains nuts.’
(talk about a news flash)
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On Shoppers Drug, Children’s Cough Medicine — ‘Do not drive a car or operate machinery after taking this medication.’
(We could do a lot to reduce the rate of construction accidents if we could just get those five year-olds with head-colds off those bulldozers.)
_______________

On President`s Choice Bread Pudding — ‘Product will be hot after heating.’
(…and you thought????…)
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On a Sears hairdryer — Do not use while sleeping.
(That’s the only time I have to work on my hair.)
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On a bag of Fritos — You could be a winner! No purchase necessary. Details inside.
(the shoplifter special?)
_______________

On a bar of Dial soap — ‘Directions: Use like regular soap.’
( and that would be???….)
_______________

On Nytol Sleep Aid — ‘Warning: May cause drowsiness.’
(..I’m taking this because???…..)
_______________

On most brands of Christmas lights — ‘For indoor or outdoor use only.’
(as opposed to what?)
_______________

On a Japanese food processor — ‘Not to be used for the other use.’
(now, somebody out there, help me on this. I’m a bit curious.)
_______________

On a Westjet packet of nuts — ‘Instructions: Open packet, eat nuts.’
(Step 3: Fly Delta)
_______________

On a child’s Superman costume — ‘Wearing of this garment does not enable you to fly.’
(I don’t blame the company. I blame the parents for this one.)
_______________

On a Canadian Tire chainsaw — ‘Do not attempt to stop chain with your hands or genitals.’
(Oh my God..was there a lot of this happening somewhere?)

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